Beer News Blog

“You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time.”—attributed to Abraham Lincoln

Here’s a fool’s story from the Darwin Awards, just to reinforce that idea…and if you don’t know what the Darwin Awards are you don’t deserve another beer:

(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three-way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr. Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances, and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is counter-suing for defamation and loss of customers.

The Asaka Beer corporation brews “Suiso” brand beer, in which the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. Two side effects of the hydrogen gas have made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.

First, because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly, so individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of hydrogen has also become a selling point, though it should be noted that Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.

The beer has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one’s mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere. “Mr. Otoma has no one to blame but himself. If he had not become drunk and disorderly, none of this would have happened. Our security guards undergo the most careful screening and training before they are allowed to deal with customers,” said Mr. Takashi Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.

“Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximize the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Godzilla would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgment is made on the quality of the flames and the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune.”

“He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of a female judge’s hair and entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers. None of these people have returned to my bar. When our security staff approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his attentions to them, making it almost impossible to approach him. Our head bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr. Otoma’s knees, knocking his legs from under him.”

“The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that propelled Mr. Otoma’s legs backwards also pivoted around his center of gravity and moved his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his own fault that he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault that he held a lighted cigarette in front of it, and his own fault that he swallowed that cigarette.”

“The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his esophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma’s consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault.”

Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment.

XXX

AND HERE’S WHY…HE’S NOT REAL. THE ENTIRE STORY, THE BREWERY, THE NIGHTCLUB, EVERYTHING…TOTALLY MADE UP.

But according to Barbara Mikkelson of Snopes.com, that didn’t keep The New York Times in March 1996, the Boston Globe in November 1997, and The Washington Post in September 1999 from publishing this urban legend, internet hoax.

Said Mikkelson, “Karaoke is weird enough without anyone having to blow blue flames as part of it.”

I’ve mentioned that I had a great time at the Micro Matic Dispense Institute last August, and many of my classmates have expressed great satisfaction with what they learned as well. Classmate Dave Dyer with Stone Brewing says he mostly uses his new expertise to balance draft systems for proper dispensing. He also educates retailers about producing the BCG, or Beer Clean Glass—the gold standard of our industry—and its crucial importance to draft beer presentation.

Stone Brewing began operation in 1996 in Escondido, California, San Diego’s North County. Owners Greg Koch and Steve Wagner are on track to produce about 53,000 barrels this year, offering 6 standards year-round (including the well-known “Arrogant Bastard”) and another 6 seasonally. That’s a big jump up from the 36,000 they made last year.

Dave’s job is to set up and maintain their draft accounts. One of the most common troubleshooting problems he sees results from a draft system that’s not balanced. Since one draft account is often serviced by several draft distributors, lots of different people mess with the gas pressure and temperature settings, and according to Dave, “99% of the people in the industry don’t know about draft beer”.

“We’ve got a bad keg”, one account complained, “it’s way too foamy and it tastes funny.” His practice is to just listen to the owner’s story, then start looking at temperature and pressure settings. At this location the “idiot knob” (temperature control) was set at its coldest setting, yet the beer was dispensing at a very warm, foamy, and funny-tasting 45º (we’re shooting for 38º). The coldest setting on most beer coolers will freeze the beer.

The problem? A dirty compressor—as dust builds up on its vents, they clog and make it work so hard that eventually even when its running all the time it still can’t cool the box. The beer pours poorly and eventually the compressor needs to be replaced.

“I cleaned all the dead rabbit fuzz off the compressor and reset the temperature,” says Dave, and everything worked.

“When you own a car,” he says, “you’ve got to change the oil, gap the plugs, replace a broken window, maintain it in good running order. The same is true for a draft system. You’ve got to stay on it.”

Those of us with kids of a certain age have been going to children’s birthday parties for years. We’re often forced to jar joints and tear tendons in an infernal contraption called a ‘bouncer’. This bouncer is not a security guard hired to maintain order, but rather a really really giant balloon shaped like a castle or a dinosaur—or some such entity of children’s fantasies—firmly anchored to the ground with an opening for entry to an internal jumping chamber large enough to entertain a herd of cattle.

This big inflated rubber platform looks like a the hugest version of a parent’s bed these imps have ever jumped on. The kids who jump are made of rubber, like the bouncer itself. We dads, stiff with age and experience, don’t bend the way they do, but are honor-bound to heed their call to join in the ‘fun’.

Finally, finally, finally rescue is at hand. The Airquee company has begun offering something inflatable for us…the amazing Airquee inflatable pub!

It’s 40 feet long, 19 feet wide, and 22 feet high, taking ten minutes to erect and holding 30 frazzled parents. It looks like a cute little slanty-walled country pub made of stone, with a red tile roof, a fireplace, and pictures on the walls. It’s even OK to play darts, although I assume you’d better have a really big dartboard or very dull darts.

It’s just the thing for us tired dads, especially since, unlike the bouncer, you only have to bend at the elbow. Also unlike the bouncer, falling down is frowned on.

Amazingly, covering all bases, they also make an inflatable church.

As much as 4% of American hops were lost to a fire last week in Washington’s Yakima Valley.  S.S. Steiner Inc.’s 40,000 square foot warehouse was incinerated in the fire, sending smoke and pungent smells throughout the valley.  Although yet to be completely determined, the fire may have a substantial impact on breweries throughout the United States. 

S.S. Steiner Inc., one of the four largest hop providers in the Yakima Valley, called the fire department in the early morning on Monday, October 2nd.  Fire crews arrived quickly and tore down the warehouse’s metal siding and began dousing the flames.  In all, seven fire crews were needed to put out the fire.  The rapid response and great effort of the firemen was admirable, however the entire crop was lost in the blaze.

Total damage, in terms of loss of crops, has been estimated by S.S. Steiner Inc. as being between $3.5 - $4 million.  Throw in the loss of the warehouse building and production equipment inside, and S.S. Steiner Inc. may have lost as much as $5 million in the fire.

Experts say the impact on the American beer industry cannot yet be determined.  S.S. Steiner Inc. has yet to release the type of hops that were burnt in the fire.  Given certain markets of specific brews, the loss could be very serious for many companies.  If the hops burnt in the fire were already in short supply, the fire may drive up costs.

S.S. Steiner Inc. has said the fire will not be catastrophic for their company.  They have multiple warehouses thoughout the state of Washington.  Although a substantial blow to the hop provider, spokesman for the company said they will bounce back.

The war for global supremacy amongst the beer giants is often fought on U.S. soil.  Acquisitions, joint ventures and distribution rights are the weaponry for this war.  It seems as A-B has had issues adding brands to their U.S. distributors (with the exception of Monster), Miller has been much more successful.  Recently Miller has added four new international brews to their line-up, gaining steam in the race to bring imported beers to American consumers.  This week Miller announced the additions of Aguila, Cristal, Cusquena and Tyskie.

Recently, the trend amongst U.S. beer consumers is “go for something different.”  We’ve already discussed the rise in sales of craft beer, as well as the growth of niche beer markets like organic beer.  Throw unique imports into that mix - the market for international brews has shown steady growth over the last few quarters as well (losing the Modelo joint venture was a major blow to A-B).

Following that trend Miller has announced the addition of four new imports to it’s American portfolio.  Aguila from Columbia, Cristal and Cusquena from Peru and Tyskie from Poland.  Aguila, Cristal and Cusquena will all be avaibled through Miller beginning in January ‘07.  Tyskie is currently available in Chicago, but will get coast to coast distribution in January as well.  The additions further strengthen Miller’s lineup of imports that already includes Pilsner Urquell and Peroni Nasto Azzurro.

While the addition of  these imports seems a little excessive, it may be a smart move for Miller.  A-B’s Budweiser and Bud Light have been the best selling beers in the U.S. and abroad for years.  Miller has been gaining on the giant with their aggressive advertising, however by adding more imports into American markets Miller has the opportunity to score big returns on the import boom.  Man law?  Man law!

Draft beer, and in this context I mean beer not bottled or canned, was for millenia the only form of beer. Only after a reasonably inexpensive way of putting it into airtight containers was invented could it even be shipped. For further centuries that container was some sort of barrel.

In a sense, draft is the most natural form of beer. Many think it superior to bottled or canned beer in flavor and aroma, and I’m solidly in that camp.

Since the 19th Century more and more laws have been created that prohibit the carrying of open containers of draft beer away from a licensed premises (which used to be a prevalent practice), causing bottled and canned beer to become more and more important to the profitability of brewers and distributors. In the era of modern marketing that trend has increased.

In addition, one thing very important to the marketing of a beer is the label on a bottle, what we call “Badge Value”. When a bottle is served it stands before its buyer, proudly displaying its artwork. This artwork and its logo produce a brand identity independent of a beer’s quality, flavor, and presentation. A glass of draft beer doesn’t carry the brand identity throughout a dining room and cocktail lounge. But at its core, we all know that what a beer is consists of quality, flavor, and presentation.

There was a period beginning in the 1980s when bottle or ‘package’ beer was recognized as more profitable than draft beer, and better for the brand. As margins began to be tightly squeezed, distributors tended to delay or eliminate expenses related to draft beer, such as in-house line cleaning, training staff to ensure the freshness of draft kegs, and other related costs.

Trouble can arise, however, when draft beer at on-premise accounts is not cared for and presents less than favorably. When potential package customers taste a draft beer brand not at its best, it can slow or stop the sale of the same product bottled or canned.

So when I see those things—quality, flavor, and presentation, being carried back to the fore, and brewers and distributors making investments in them, as is happening today, it seems a good thing to me.

Last Wednesday Anheuser-Busch announced that the fifth generation of the Busch family will be leading the largest beer company in the world.  The move is not a big surprise, as Busch IV has spent the last 21 years working for A-B preparing himself for the ultimate positions, president and CEO.  Busch IV’s father, Busch III, has been grooming his son to take on the roll since he stepped down and placed Patrick Stokes as president and CEO four years ago.  

Busch IV has been working as the president of the flagship brewery unit of St. Louis-based Anheuser-Busch.  Busch IV’s segment is responsible for the brewing of Budweiser, Bud Light and other beers.  Currently Budweiser is the world’s best selling full-calorie beer and Bud Light is the world’s best selling light beer.  The promotion signals upward moves throughout the global beer giant.  Busch III will retire from his position as Chairman of the Board, a roll that Patrick Stokes will assume.  Stokes’ promotion to Chairman of the Board left the president and CEO seat vacant, creating the opportunity for Busch IV to step in. 

New Brunswick-based Moosehead Breweries has announced they will be sending 1,700 cans of their Moosehead Lager to Canadian soldiers stationed in Afghanistan.  Moosehead, the largest brewery in Canada, will send the brews at the request of Canadian soldiers stationed in Kandahar, who sent a special message to the brewer seeking an ice-cold reminder of the Great White North.

According to Moosehead spokesman Joel Levesque, the beer will be sent in three shipments out of Canadian Forces Base Trenton. The first shipment will be sent next week, the second at the end of October and the final shipment will go out sometime during the month of November.  The beer will be used for toasts at celebrations and special occasions when the soldiers are off duty.

Canadian Military officials sent a request to Canada’s largest brewer hoping to purchase some pallets of Moosehead.  Flattered by the request, Moosehead Breweries is currently working out a way to donate the beer.  Along with the pallets of product, Moosehead will also be sending a poster signed by all of the brewery’s employees. The poster will include personal messages of hope and gratitude.

Working in the beverage industry I quickly learned that the military is a huge marketplace for the sale of beer and other products.  I don’t want to tell companies how to conduct their businesses, but I would have to say Moosehead Breweries’ generous donation to their deployed troops is the right way to do things.  By sending over free product, Moosehead is letting the Canadian soldiers risking their lives know they are appreciated, remembered and above all respected.  I’d like to see more American companies jump on this bandwagon.  Our boys have been in the sweltering sun for a long time, I think they all deserve a beer - on the house!