Now that the cobwebs are gone from the celebratory hangovers that struck St. Patrick's Day revelers the morning of March 18th, it's time to reflect on Ireland's deepening national tragedy. No, not the well-known "Troubles", but something that hits even closer to home here in America.

The beverage most associated with Ireland and St. Patrick's Day—and by that I mean Guinness Stout—is suffering steeply declining sales in its homeland.

Completely unthinkable! Totally unacceptable!

Imagine milk declining in popularity in Wisconsin, or Budweiser losing ground in
St. Louis. We'd be calling out the National Guard.

But it's true. According to reports, the 7% decline in Guinness sales between 2005 and 2006 is due to several factors.

One, a switch to wine, is a shocker in Ireland, the veritable homeland of stout and Irish whisky. Another, equally stunning, is a thirst for imported beer, mainly from other European countries. In addition, younger, less patient drinkers are going for instant gratification, ordering easier to appreciate stuff like lagers, ciders, and spirits.

But the final blow, undermining our entire perception of Old Country life, is that growing numbers of Ireland's young—and it's newly-arrived immigrants—are unwilling to wait the extra minute or two for the perfect Guinness to be drawn. Now THAT hurts!

There is hope, however. Diageo, the parent of Guinness, reports that sales are cruising along very well outside Ireland, especially North America and West Africa. In North America, Guinness is associated with chest-thumping manliness. In West Africa it’s apparently well know to enhance male prowess.

The Guinness people have so far refused to comment on that last one.