CONTENTED COWS

We've all been enjoying the California cheese commercials that are featuring talking cows in warm green California pastures. They're happy because they run free in the sun and have impossibly green grass to chew. Some have come from cold snowy places where they were apparently miserable, so miserable they won't even talk about it. Being cold results in unhappy cows, apparently producing inferior cheese. So the warmth of California pastures results in superior cheese. Got it? Happier cows = tastier cheese.

This is important to us because beer and cheese go so well together, a natural pairing even better than wine and cheese. Contemplate if you will for a moment a nice savory chunk of Maytag Bleu washed down with some of Fritz's Anchor Steam Beer.

The farmers of Britain have begun to appreciate California's marketing efforts and the British counterattack has begun.

But not the way you might expect. The English are focusing their attack on the Kobe beef farmers of Japan with the stirring battle cry, "We'll show you happy cows!".

Cornish farmer Darren Pluess seems to have found a way to keep his cows happy even during his cold English winter. If you're jumping ahead of me and thinking beer somehow figures in farmer Pleuss's plans, you, like the contented cows of California, are getting warm. Following one of this column's most cherished themes—animals and beer—after pigs, camels, elephants, chimpanzees, etc., we are now reporting on beer-drinking cows.

Farmer Pleuss has begun to feed his Kobe-style cattle up to 40 pints of beer a day. That, combined with the daily massages that are the hallmark of Kobe beef, and I think California's sunny green pastures have been trumped. I’m pretty sure if I had to choose between sweating in the hot sun chewing grass or drinking 40 pints of beer I'd likely go with the beer.

According to the BBC, Pleuss states that the cattle are not harmed by the diet. That may not be of great concern, considering what is going to eventually happen to these five blissed-out Limousin cattle.

Pleuss's wife Katy notes that Saturday night can get a little rowdy if they happen to run out of beer. When the beer is finally delivered, the cattle get "œexcited". Pleuss added, "They are completely happy and they do like drinking beer." What a surprise!

Now if you'll just pass me that big ol' juicy Kobe-style beef hamburger and re-fill my pint of bitters, I'll be quiet. And content.